Let's talk about TWILIGHT

[diaphenia]

Let’s talk about Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part Two: Twilight. It is, and I don’t want to exaggerate here, the world’s most awesome movie ever.

Why is it so awesome? Rather than spend their large budgets on things like “special effects” or “plot,” the producers focused on what really matters: really short, tight dresses for KStew.  Is she going to kick Jacob’s ass in a tiny dress that she’s wearing three days after giving birth to a tiny half-vamp baby that was eating her from the inside? YES. HELL YES.

And can I just say the Jacob/Creepy Baby plotline warmed my heart? No, I can’t say that, because I will end up on a list somewhere, a pervert list. Because it’s weird. Just very weird. Also, when he starts dating the fully-grown seven year old, he can explain how he used to make out with her mom, as you do, especially when dating a seven year old. Which is somehow making Bella dating a man six times her age slightly less creepy, maybe, almost.

Oh! My favorite bit was when Bella solved the “Where’s Alice?” mystery by realizing it was torn from a book even though I am fairly certain Bella stopped going to class once the Cullens showed up, and also even though she’s an idiot who probably doesn’t know about books.

Although, the part where Bella/Edward got a new cabin so they didn't have to just hang out forever with his family... and then they had sex there (weird, weird sex) and never returned. 

And I hope they made a bedroom for Jacob since he apparently lives with the Cullens now. 

The battle scene was just interesting enough to remind me what a waste of money the movie was, because they could’ve made interesting movies and chose not to. They made an actual decision to suck. Because that battle was pretty awesome. 

All in all, I am so glad I went to see this instead of sleeping even though I was exhausted from seventeen hours of travel, because it was everything I ever dreamed of, really. 

Comments

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

I am in class right now and cannot leave extensive thoughts, but this movie made me laugh harder than any movie I have seen in a theater since, I kid you not, Best in Show. It was amazing. Just amazing. I love it ironically as hard as it is possible to love something ironically.

My favorite part was the staring. All 95 minutes or so of staring.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I mean. On some level I love these movies. I have to accept that about myself. They are terrible and I love them.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

It's amazing that they exist, and are a thing, and some people love them unironically.

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMG?

I was expecting it to be boring as shit like the end of the book was, but they totally got me with the suprise~ twist~ ending. I completely fell for it and was basically sitting like :O for 15 solid minutes. Also finally, finally one of the directors saw how cheesy the source material was and just went for it, right down to the music video fanvid that ended the movie before the yearbook credits. Just A+ work.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I can't believe I forgot that fanvid at the end. I was going to message you but I fell asleep, but I just wanted to send you a message that was something along the lines of A FANVID OMG

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

In the book that was actually a really sweet moment (I'm already laughing at myself so don't bother) when she showed him her thoughts, and I can say with certainty I never pictured it as a fanvid. I now think I should have. My only complain is that it wasn't set to "Time Of My Life". OH AND ALSO CLOSING THE MOVIE ON A ZOOM IN ON THE LAST PAGE OF THE NOVEL. Just good work, Bill Condon. You're making this movie for Twilight fans. There really is no point in trying to make it cool or not-lame for other demographics.

MORE ALSO, Michael Sheen is a goddamn champion.

eta: might as well use the icons lol. There's no hiding my fandom past here.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

I need to hear much, much more about this fanvid. Was there slo-mo of them kissing after running hand in hand on a beach or something?

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

One of the Twilight movies was playing at the food court I went to last night and holy hell, the color editing was crazy. The entire movie was super saturated in blues and greens and it was weird.

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

that must have been the first one then. that entire movie looks like it was filmed through tinted saran wrap or something.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Sometimes they take a break from it and go out into the sun and sparkle. So. There's that.

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

Do they actually sparkle, on film? I feel like you'd be into that.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen any of these movies and hope not to but I thank you most fervently for this.

Question: if my oldest daughter is six, am I safe from this crap? Will it be long forgotten within say four years when she'll start wondering if sparkly boys are interesting?

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I believe the next big thing is zombies. This is a never ending cycle.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

You are safe.

Sadly, though, the thing she will love will be even stupider.

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I saw the first one and gave up. Is this one worth watching (ironically)?

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I don't even know, anymore. I can only tell you that I was bored from the first one, and watched the second anyway, and then saw the third in theaters, and then finally these last two I've seen opening weekend. I can't help it.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

I say yes, but I also laughed my way through the first one, so.

[craponaspatula.livejournal.com]

I'M CLOSING MY EYES because I'm going to see it in about an hour. I will report back! Wish me luck, I know you all wish you could experience it again for the first time.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I hope the loss of your Twilight Part Five: No Blinking virginity is as amazing as sex for the first time. Watching the movie is a lot like losing your v-chip; painful, awkward. The only difference is that it takes forever.

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

I have no intention of seeing this film I would just like you to know that I saw a preview that said, "a twist ending you won't see coming!"

And I was like, "wasn't there a book? And didn't it come out like, three years ago? So how can any ending be a twist ending?"

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

They changed something from the book. I always go with my friend who has read the books, because I refuse to read the books, and we annoy everyone else in the theater by whispering loudly to each other throughout the movie.

[stars-inthe-sky.livejournal.com]

Everybody just go watch Buffy. Everything is better in the Whedonverse.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

I AM SO INTO FIREFLY RIGHT NOW I JUST WATCHED IT, OK, I WATCHED IT TWICE I THINK AND TONIGHT I'M GOING TO FINISH MY THIRD TIME WATCHING IT AND WE JUST GOT SERENITY AND I GET TO WATCH IT TOMORROW AND I'M A LITTLE YELLY ABOUT IT ALL!!!

[craponaspatula.livejournal.com]

SO THAT JUST HAPPENED.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

BY "THAT" DO YOU MEAN "NOTHING" BECAUSE THE MOVIE WAS TWO HOURS LONG AND NOT ALL THAT MUCH ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND YET SOMEHOW IT WAS ALL AMAZING AND I WANT TO BAKE MICHAEL SHEEN AWESOMELY INSANE COOKIES AND TELL HIM I LOVE HIM