Let's talk about TWILIGHT

[diaphenia]

Let’s talk about Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part Two: Twilight. It is, and I don’t want to exaggerate here, the world’s most awesome movie ever.

Why is it so awesome? Rather than spend their large budgets on things like “special effects” or “plot,” the producers focused on what really matters: really short, tight dresses for KStew.  Is she going to kick Jacob’s ass in a tiny dress that she’s wearing three days after giving birth to a tiny half-vamp baby that was eating her from the inside? YES. HELL YES.

And can I just say the Jacob/Creepy Baby plotline warmed my heart? No, I can’t say that, because I will end up on a list somewhere, a pervert list. Because it’s weird. Just very weird. Also, when he starts dating the fully-grown seven year old, he can explain how he used to make out with her mom, as you do, especially when dating a seven year old. Which is somehow making Bella dating a man six times her age slightly less creepy, maybe, almost.

Oh! My favorite bit was when Bella solved the “Where’s Alice?” mystery by realizing it was torn from a book even though I am fairly certain Bella stopped going to class once the Cullens showed up, and also even though she’s an idiot who probably doesn’t know about books.

Although, the part where Bella/Edward got a new cabin so they didn't have to just hang out forever with his family... and then they had sex there (weird, weird sex) and never returned. 

And I hope they made a bedroom for Jacob since he apparently lives with the Cullens now. 

The battle scene was just interesting enough to remind me what a waste of money the movie was, because they could’ve made interesting movies and chose not to. They made an actual decision to suck. Because that battle was pretty awesome. 

All in all, I am so glad I went to see this instead of sleeping even though I was exhausted from seventeen hours of travel, because it was everything I ever dreamed of, really. 

Comments

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

I am in class right now and cannot leave extensive thoughts, but this movie made me laugh harder than any movie I have seen in a theater since, I kid you not, Best in Show. It was amazing. Just amazing. I love it ironically as hard as it is possible to love something ironically.

My favorite part was the staring. All 95 minutes or so of staring.

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMG?

I was expecting it to be boring as shit like the end of the book was, but they totally got me with the suprise~ twist~ ending. I completely fell for it and was basically sitting like :O for 15 solid minutes. Also finally, finally one of the directors saw how cheesy the source material was and just went for it, right down to the music video fanvid that ended the movie before the yearbook credits. Just A+ work.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I can't believe I forgot that fanvid at the end. I was going to message you but I fell asleep, but I just wanted to send you a message that was something along the lines of A FANVID OMG

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I mean. On some level I love these movies. I have to accept that about myself. They are terrible and I love them.

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

One of the Twilight movies was playing at the food court I went to last night and holy hell, the color editing was crazy. The entire movie was super saturated in blues and greens and it was weird.

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

that must have been the first one then. that entire movie looks like it was filmed through tinted saran wrap or something.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Sometimes they take a break from it and go out into the sun and sparkle. So. There's that.

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

In the book that was actually a really sweet moment (I'm already laughing at myself so don't bother) when she showed him her thoughts, and I can say with certainty I never pictured it as a fanvid. I now think I should have. My only complain is that it wasn't set to "Time Of My Life". OH AND ALSO CLOSING THE MOVIE ON A ZOOM IN ON THE LAST PAGE OF THE NOVEL. Just good work, Bill Condon. You're making this movie for Twilight fans. There really is no point in trying to make it cool or not-lame for other demographics.

MORE ALSO, Michael Sheen is a goddamn champion.

eta: might as well use the icons lol. There's no hiding my fandom past here.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen any of these movies and hope not to but I thank you most fervently for this.

Question: if my oldest daughter is six, am I safe from this crap? Will it be long forgotten within say four years when she'll start wondering if sparkly boys are interesting?

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

Do they actually sparkle, on film? I feel like you'd be into that.

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I saw the first one and gave up. Is this one worth watching (ironically)?

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I like the idea but the actual thing is terrible. And awesome.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I don't even know, anymore. I can only tell you that I was bored from the first one, and watched the second anyway, and then saw the third in theaters, and then finally these last two I've seen opening weekend. I can't help it.

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I believe the next big thing is zombies. This is a never ending cycle.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

You are safe.

Sadly, though, the thing she will love will be even stupider.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I literally watched those six minutes through my fingers, I was so embarrassed for everything.

That said, I did not stop watching.

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

Omg, have you seen the poster for the movie about a girl who falls in love with a sexy zombie? (I swear I'm not making this up.)

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I did see that! Nicholas Hoult is starring in it. Poor guy.

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

So you are saying you love the idea, you just found the execution lacking. And that I should scrap the prompt you gave me for the fic meme and write you sparkly vampires. Or Tom/Ann sex (there would be so so much glitter involved).

[craponaspatula.livejournal.com]

I'M CLOSING MY EYES because I'm going to see it in about an hour. I will report back! Wish me luck, I know you all wish you could experience it again for the first time.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I hope the loss of your Twilight Part Five: No Blinking virginity is as amazing as sex for the first time. Watching the movie is a lot like losing your v-chip; painful, awkward. The only difference is that it takes forever.

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

I have no intention of seeing this film I would just like you to know that I saw a preview that said, "a twist ending you won't see coming!"

And I was like, "wasn't there a book? And didn't it come out like, three years ago? So how can any ending be a twist ending?"

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

No Blinking Virginity--i think most people lost that when they had staring contests in like 5th grade

amirite?
can i get someone to join me here?

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

Fun fact: my skin actually is sparkly sometimes.

I have no idea why. like on my abdomen and arms. I don't use glitter anything.

My coworkers have thought I was a vampire before because of the scarves and turtlenecks and the pale.

Was Stephanie Meyer onto something?

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

It's amazing that they exist, and are a thing, and some people love them unironically.