diaphenia

Last night I went to a party.

I mean, of course I did. I go to a lot of parties. But most of them are thrown by friends of mine, and are pretty low-key: bonfires in backyard and barbeques and the like.

But this time, I went a party through a website. It was a cocktail party, and we were instructed to dress to the nines and come on down to a fabulously expensive downtown apartment. I knew no one, but— you can’t be afraid of new people, right?

1. Coffee. Ick. It tastes like unhappy chalk.
2. Artificial cherry flavoring. I wasn't sick often as a child, but if I was, I got a spoonful of something that has made artifical cherry flavor hell to me.
3. Actual cherries. 
4. Maraschino cherries. The only exception to this is when I am drunk. [End of cherry- related subset.] 
5. Cream cheese. Why would you eat that.
6. Yogurt. It's all slimy and I just can't.
7. Sour cream. The warning is right there in the name. And how do you know it went bad?
8. Nuts. I can eat them if they are ground up, but chunks? Sometimes people bake them into otherwise lovely baked goods and I get twitchy. [note: peanuts don't count. They are legumes.]
9. Cottage cheese. I get a little nauseated just typing that out, actually. There are chunks-- I can't continue
10. Parmesan cheese in a can. Stop that. Fresh is amazing. 
11. Stuffing. If I wanted to eat wet bread, I would.
12. Cranberry sauce. I appreciate the iconic look of this on a table, but don't actually eat it. 
13. Yams. I am not into holidays, as a general rule, so you can imagine how much I hate Thanksgiving. [end of Thanksgiving- related subset]
14. Pickles. Obviously.