The Complete List of Foods I Find Horrifying

[diaphenia]

1. Coffee. Ick. It tastes like unhappy chalk.
2. Artificial cherry flavoring. I wasn't sick often as a child, but if I was, I got a spoonful of something that has made artifical cherry flavor hell to me.
3. Actual cherries. 
4. Maraschino cherries. The only exception to this is when I am drunk. [End of cherry- related subset.] 
5. Cream cheese. Why would you eat that.
6. Yogurt. It's all slimy and I just can't.
7. Sour cream. The warning is right there in the name. And how do you know it went bad?
8. Nuts. I can eat them if they are ground up, but chunks? Sometimes people bake them into otherwise lovely baked goods and I get twitchy. [note: peanuts don't count. They are legumes.]
9. Cottage cheese. I get a little nauseated just typing that out, actually. There are chunks-- I can't continue
10. Parmesan cheese in a can. Stop that. Fresh is amazing. 
11. Stuffing. If I wanted to eat wet bread, I would.
12. Cranberry sauce. I appreciate the iconic look of this on a table, but don't actually eat it. 
13. Yams. I am not into holidays, as a general rule, so you can imagine how much I hate Thanksgiving. [end of Thanksgiving- related subset]
14. Pickles. Obviously. 

Fin. 

Edited to add: coconut. 

Comments

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

I'm just giving you a hard time because I don't get it. My brother won't eat ketchup, which I don't understand because it's ketchup.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend's mother hates rice. RICE. It's RICE. What the hell could possibly be wrong with it?

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

I like that he even has a strong opinion on rice, seeing as it's basically the food equivalent of water, ie tastes like nothing.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

Her eating habits are so baffling. It would take me hours to describe them all, but they are in fact weirder than Jen's.

And she has very strong opinions about which brands of bottled water taste best. So.

[k8-26-2.livejournal.com]

I am not a huge rice fan. I mean, I will eat it, and sometimes i even want to eat it, but it is never my first choice when I am looking for a side dish.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

I mean, I agree that rice is not always very exciting, but how is flinching from a bowl of rice, calling it gross, and refusing to put it anywhere near your mouth a rational reaction to it? It's rice.

Personally, I love rice, because without rice there would be no sushi or onigiri.

[k8-26-2.livejournal.com]

I agree that is a little extreme.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

Have you seen her confront rice pudding? Wild rice?

It is bizarre, I agree. Just trying to map the boundaries of the weird.

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

She will not go within five feet of rice in any variety or presentation. No white rice, brown rice, wild rice, rice-a-roni, fried rice, steamed rice, rice as part of any other dish...no rice. Period. Ever.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

OK, just because I'm curious (and procrastinating WHY DO YOU ASK?) no rice crackers? Something made with rice flour (assuming she knew, but why would you tell her?), rice noodles?

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

Nope. She wouldn't care about those things being made of rice, I don't think, but she wouldn't want to eat them anyway, because they would be different and would not look good. Imagine the palate of a really picky four-year-old. Pizza, but cheese is the only acceptable topping. Grilled chicken with no sauce. One flavor of oversweetened yogurt. Grapes. Breakfast pastries. That's how she eats. She won't try most new things. It doesn't matter what they are, what is in them, or how they are made. She just won't try them. Once we spent 45 minutes convincing her to taste a crab cake, for instance. 45 minutes!

[ballroom_pink.livejournal.com]

I stay away from fried rice - eggs and stuff right? - but other rice is my meal 3 or 4 days of the week.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I know, you can't help liking me despite the fact that I clearly have food issues.

(At various points in my life I have refused to eat ketchup. I eat it now though. Sometimes)

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

How do you not eat ketchup?! What is wrong with it in your mind at this point? I understand for a brief period in the early 2000s, they experimented with colors of ketchup, so I understand if that would gross you out but you were older than 5, so it shouldn't have scarred you for life.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I don't know, sometimes it's just sort of... you know. Fries taste good plain.

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

They do taste good plain. They also taste good with the ketchup-mayo sauce on them.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Oooh, no to mayo.

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

I know, I saw elsewhere in the thread.

In high school, I further perpetrated my weirdness by drinking some mayo out of a shot glass my sophomore year.
I stand by my assertion then: it was delicious. But whatevs.

[ballroom_pink.livejournal.com]

Plain. Or my family used Lawry's Season Salt (orange something) ...

[k8-26-2.livejournal.com]

My sister used to put that stuff on everything.

[ballroom_pink.livejournal.com]

I am afraid of ketchup. Won't eat it. Won't touch the bottle when cleaning up at family dinners (there could be ketchup on the outside). I once got caught in the middle of a food fight in junior high where ketchup splattered me.