Galentine's Day mini-ficathon! (Part 1)

[diaphenia]

ballroom_pink: An Ann POV on how Leslie went from being the Parks lady to her BFF.
Like Season 1ish.

Pinky-Promise

312 words



Ann Perkins had never had a close female friend before.

Oh, she’d had friends, of course. She’d been a weird looking kid but puberty had been kind to her. The other girls, when they’d seen who she’d blossomed into? Had not been so kind.

“Don’t worry about it, darling,” her mother said, lining her eyes at her vanity while Ann sat the edge of her bed, distraught. “Those other girls are only calling you—what was that silly nickname?”

Ann wiped her tears away with her fists. “Ann Perky Tits.”

“You don’t need to worry, the other kids are just terrible. You’re prettier than them, but they’ll adjust.”

But it was always difficult, making female friends. She made friends, sure, but they were never good friends. There was always a jealousy there, an assumption she was trying to show the other girls up or flirt with their boyfriends. The boys were the root of so much of her troubles with other women, so she did what she could to turn them off. Frumpy clothes, minimal make up, and ponytails, serial monogamy and a mostly-female nursing college.

And so she drifted into her mid-thirties without making close girlfriends.

The she went to a meeting in hopes that someone—anyone—would care about her problems, and that Parks lady gave her a solemn pinky-promise that she would fill in the pit.

It became their thing. I pinky-promise I’ll help you with your Parks Department exploratory sub committee and I pinky-promise to get you a recycling bin. And soon Leslie became a permanent fixture at her kitchen table, and it was I pinky-promise to go to your mother’s banquet and I pinky-promise will help you get over Andy.

Then one day, Leslie showed up at her house, and over coffee and whipped cream, it was I pinky-promise I’ll support you dating my ex-lover, starting today. Ann looked into Leslie’s eyes, and knew she’d finally found a real friend.




isalsayourface: I'm so glad you're doing this again! Okay - Who: Tom & April, When: early season 2, What: April & Tom run into each other at a nightclub (April is there with Ben and Derek). Tom is having zero luck with the ladies, so April offers to be his "wingman" (b/c she is bored). Crazy accents/acting on April's part = April/Tom bonding time. Good luck! PS - Thanks for being so awesome, lady!


Wingwomaning Kanye

Season two
736 words






“You’re never going to get laid if you keep making those faces,” April said, rolling her eyes at Tom.

Tom’s practiced face feel into his regular face. “What? No, no, I practiced these, Kanye makes these faces when he’s impressing women.”

“It doesn’t matter what Kanye looks like; he’s rich. Duh.” She sat down at his table.

“Don’t sit there! How am I going to get approached if you are all up in my space? And aren’t you too young to be here?”

“Shut up! Look, tonight is super boring—“ she looked over at Ben and Derek, who were a few tables away, totally into each other and ignoring her, which, whatever, that’s fine. “So I’m going to help you in your quest to get some from whatever moron you can.”

Tom considered this. “What do you know about wingmaning? It’s a sacred responsibility I only let my main man J-R participate in. It’s a man code, you wouldn’t get it.”

“Oh, so he got you got laid recently?”

He changed his mind after that.

She scooted her stool next to his, but not too close, and perched herself away from him. “Talk, Tom!”

“About what?”

“Anything! Just move your lips.” She waited a moment, and then started laughing, as though he was funny, which he certainly wasn’t being.

Then she spotted the girl, a pretty redhead with a short dress who was frowning into her martini whenever she thought no one from her group was looking.

She muttered a quick wait here to Tom, and then she approached the group.

“Oh my stars, but you three are just adorable! I was telling my mama I had nothin to fear from the Yankees, and ya’ll are probably just super friendly.”

The blond one smiled, and then the brunette did too, but the redhead was reticent. No matter.

“I’m Georgia, from North Carolina, I’m just up in town with my cousin visitin our other cousin, you know, my daddy’s sister’s third cousin-in-law, and we just love Pawnee. So much interesting wildlife! Mostly eatin our trash!”

“The raccoons are a problem,” The redhead said. “I find them terrifying.

“Well my cousin over there—lookit him, just smiling, let’s wave at him—he’s just the greatest, he stopped a raccoon from stealin my daddy’s sister’s third cousin-in-law’s baby, just picked it up with his bare hands, it was amazin.”

The redhead looked impressed. So April pushed on. “You should probably give me your number, you can show him around and he can tell you all about it.”

She returned to Tom, number in hand.

“I’m impressed, April. That was awesome.”

“I could do it again. Give me a twenty.”

“What? I’m not paying you to find me dates.”

“Are you kidding? Just—“ and she reached in his pocket and grabbed his wallet, taking out two twenties because how dumb was he being? “When I come back, reject me. Just trust me on this.”

This time she sat down at the bar next to a hot woman drinking alone.

April nodded, and the hot woman nodden, and April then ordered a drink.

The other woman spoke first. “Having fun?”

“Absolutely,” she said, letting her voice take on a touch of sophistication. “You see that one over there—“ she looked over at Tom. “He’s—don’t tell anyone—Kanye West’s head-of-security, on vacation.”

The woman laughed, a little doubt in her eyes. “But he’s so little.”

“Exactly. They’d never suspect he’s a ninja master. Triple-level black belt.”

The other woman took a long swing of her drink. “Impressive.”

“And that’s why I’m going to hit on him.”

“I could take him off your hands, you know.”

"Not a chance." April drained her rum and coke, and slammed it on the bar. Then she hopped off the stool, gave the woman a little wave, and walked over to Tom.

“Pretend I’m hitting on you, but don’t be interested,” she said, fake-laughing.

“I get to turn you down? Awesome. Let’s see, what lines have people used on me. ‘I have to wash my hair, I have to feed my cat, I have to join a convent.’ That one was true actually, she did.”

“Shut up, don’t be dumb.” She made a dejected face, threw a look at the woman and the bar, and walked away.

She was getting another drink when she decided to see how Tom was doing. He was talking to the woman, who was doing that laugh-a-little-too-hard, lean in thing. He laughed with her, and while she pulled out her phone, he looked up, caught April’s eye, and grinned.



throwingpens: ann & donna: use him, abuse him, lose him.
Never Ever

315 words
Post 3x09



“The secret to men—are you paying attention? This is valuable stuff. The secret to men is to never, ever need it.” Donna watched as Ann wrote this stuff down. She’d come in to City Hall again—didn’t the hospital need her to sew up broken limbs or to clean bedpans or something?

“But I like—“

“Doesn’t matter. They can smell it on you. Remember when you asked me to lunch?”

“You mean twenty minutes ago?”

“I could just tell you really wanted to treat me to lunch.”

“Treat? I mean, absolutely.”

Way to not get it, Ann. “See, look at that. You want to have lunch with me so bad you don’t even care that I’m making you pay for it, even though I picked the place and even though I made us go in separate cars.”

Ann stuck the end of her pen in her mouth thoughtfully. “But I wanted to some advice.”

“And I’m giving it to you, so quiet. But let’s hurry up here, you’re cutting into my gossiping with Jerry time—”

Ann mumbled an apology.

“Or my gossiping about Jerry time. Now, let’s go over the rules. Never let him think you want him. And never want him, for that matter.” She ticked off her fingers. “Never promise love, it’s just mean. Never thank him, he should thank you. Double booking is fine, the less attractive one will wait.” Ann looked aghast, but come on she was cute enough if you are into that sort of thing that she’s probably thinking it too. “And never, ever, ever give them your real name.”

Ann wrote that all down dutifully, even though she probably wouldn’t use any of it. She would probably jump right back into another relationship, as always.

But then Ann twirled her red streak, reread her notes, and asked, “Want to go to the Snakehole tonight?”

Absolutely.

Comments

[k8-26-2.livejournal.com]

Lady! (I would say "dude", but it being Galentine's Day I thought I would go with "lady".) These are all great but the first one made me cry a little. Such a plausible reason for why Ann would really connect with "The Parks Lady." It makes me wish I had an Ann in my life. I also love any exploration of April and Tom's friendship. Your April voice is great.

[ballroom_pink.livejournal.com]

Love it! Happy Galentine's Day!

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

These are great too but I still love mine the most.

[isalsayourface.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh! You are brilliant and I love you! These are all incredible. Your April is fantastic! Thanks!!!

[americnxidiot.livejournal.com]

ann/donna as wingmen forever.