(no subject)

[diaphenia]

Last night was an amazing thing, and I’m glad I went. And I wouldn’t have done it without tumblr, who encouraged me whole-heartedly.

I went to the Liar’s Club, a bar that was hosting a viewing party for Untouchable: Drew Peterson. I live in Chicago, home of Drew Peterson, so the viewing party was not completely out of left-field. I didn’t bring a friend, since I want to live-blog the whole thing and I couldn’t come up with a reason why I was both going to bring someone and yet ignore them. And I almost never go to bars alone; I’d rather give a speech naked, so this is only the second time ever.

I had all sorts of reasons I was going to give up and turn around and watch in my pajamas instead, and the universe conspired to stop my excuses; I hit traffic, and it cleared up a mile later. I was worried about parking, and parking was completely easy and free even though it was the middle of Chicago. I only had $8 in my purse despite the fact I knew the bar was cash only, and then I found a $20 hidden behind my AAA card. I hadn’t eaten first, but they were giving away free pizza. There was also free Old Style, but gross.

I sat down at the bar with some free pizza and my Draw Peterson drawing, and I set about coloring. The movie was half an hour from starting when I got there, and the television was already on Lifetime.

A guy sat next to me and tried to pick me up. He actually used a variation of the “Come here often?” line. I told him I’d never been, but that I was excited about the movie. He thought about it and remembered that they were showing it, and I mentioned how excited I was. This proceeded through a few questions, and the gist of our interaction went like this:

Me: let’s talk about this movie!

Him: what?

Eventually he got the hint and moved on. Dude, if I wanted to sleep with you, your pants would already be off. There’s a lesson here, and it’s has something to do with the importance of not having stupid facial hair. Or at least faking interest in the awesome things I want to see.

The bar was packed. And I was a little worried people would talk through the movie and I would have to speed home to actually hear anything, but they killed the music, turned up the sound, and we all got a little slack-jawed when the movie actually came on. We’d laugh at the especially cheesy or gross lines, but it was the absolute quietest I’ve ever seen a bar, even though there had to be over a hundred of us. The commercials would break the trance; people would chat and laugh and discuss, but as soon as the movie came back on, we were quiet again.

The best scene, naturally, was the “I’m untouchable, bitch” scene that came on in the last fifteen minutes. Though we were entirely quiet, someone shouted out “everyone shut up!” when we realized we were about the see this glorious scene. At one point, Drew tells his neighbor that she should realize that changing her garage code wont help, and someone yelled out “why won’t that help?” but still we were denied our cookie. And then he said the line, and the bar broke out into spontaneous applause.

We clapped at the end, something I normally would roll my eyes at, but there was a real sense of community by the end, that we’d approached this journey together. The movie was awful, the real story tragic, and we made good by donating to supplies and cash to Metropolitan Family Services, because something good should come out of Drew’s (alleged) terrible crimes.

I spent most of the time watching, liveblogging, and texting Andie, who helpfully let me know I could be wife number five. This is true! Drew lives near me. I might be a little old for him.

I was in the line for the bathroom at the end—my other favorite place to chat people up, for the record—and the girl behind me agreed that this was the very best movie ever, that we wanted to do this for all the Lifetime movies, especially the John Stamos one that’s coming up. She then talked about how hot Rob Lowe is, even in his Peterson drag. I tried to casually bring up my favorite show, yet avoid coming off as some super fan who would, say, go to a bar to watch a Lifetime movie starring someone from my favorite show.

Me: Oh yeah, and you know, I hear he’s on a show, Parks and Rec, and it’s supposed to be pretty good

Her: Oh, hmmm.

Me: Yeah, I hear he’s really funny.

Her: This movie was funny.

What I should have said, in retrospect, was this: Yeah, I hear he’s usually shirtless. Next time.

All in all, I firmly recommend mixing bars and Lifetime movies. 

Comments

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

Ben feels ambivalent about your movie-going experience. I need an icon of him looking horrified. Where are the "Jerry's Painting" screencaps?