Just a Saturday night with the high school crowd

[diaphenia]

I went to my high school reunion, and I don’t know yet if it was a mistake.

My ex ex boyfriend V was there. When I went downstairs, he was at the bar, and I didn’t see him. But then, he’d always made pretty clear everyone he was never, ever going to the reunion, so I thought I would be fine. But as soon as I got there, my friend W, who, as I mentioned, wrote fan fic in high school and once slept with this guy, pulled me aside and informed me that not only was he here, but so was his new girlfriend.

“Don’t panic,” she said, and that was all I could do. She started whispering to me about how this new girl wasn’t even pretty, how terrible she looked, how terrible he looked, how he wasn’t losing weight like he keeps telling facebook.

We gave each other a wide berth the entire night. I kept one eye on him so that I could avoid him, and I assume he was also avoiding me, but maybe not. I may just not even have registered, I just don’t know.

The reunion itself was... awkward? I think I regressed, but it’s hard not to when surrounded by former classmates. And I’m... not shy, exactly, but not always great with people who matter, and I went to the reunion because on some level these people do matter to me. And high school me wasn’t always great at talking to people, so I sort of clammed up, although at least now I drink and that helped.

I spent a long while talking to a friend I haven’t seen in a good five years, who lives less than ten minutes from me. I didn’t mean to glom on to her, but I was just so busy being panicked about talking to people that this was best I could do. She’s married, her husband was super bored by the whole thing but made a valiant effort to care. I talked to a kid I once kicked in elementary school while he was passed out (but he moved in and pulled focus from me, so I felt justified) who told me he was shocked I’d never played video games because  he “thought I was a real nerd in high school” which, thanks, and also sort of, but not entirely. I talked to a guy about our freshman year English teacher, a severe German who woman who hated everyone. A cheerleader I hadn’t talked to since the seventh grade was actually pretty sweet now.

At one point, I remembered my locker number and then proceeded to tell people about that, which, stop that.

I do wish I’d made more of an effort to talk to people, and I’m sort of disappointed in myself that I didn’t, but V’s appearance really threw me.

Later in the night, I saw my friend W, who reported that V came up to her and accused her of avoiding him, said some dick-ish things, and then told her that, essentially, since starting to see the girl in the jean jacket, he was having the best summer of his life.

“I’m going to throw up,” I told her, and she hugged me, while I eyed my glass and wondered if I was going to throw up more than this glass. Then I looked around for larger glasses to throw up in, and finally realized I had to hightail it to bathroom immediately. “Come with me,” I told her, and she did, because we’ve been friends since we were fourteen and I couldn’t throw up in front of everyone.

So I became the girl who threw up at the reunion, albeit in the bathroom, and I can’t even say I was drunk. I’d had three screwdrivers, which is not in any way enough to get me drunk. At least my ex was gone by then, but, thing is

The thing is that I was happy before we started dating. I was single, and I was busy and fun and beloved by my friends.  And then we dated and I was still happy. And then we broke up and I’ve turned into this sad little person who cries on the way home from her high school reunion and I don’t know how to fix that. I don’t know how to turn off this stupid hopeful part of me that thinks there’s some way that it’ll work, which it won’t and I’m an idiot for hoping so. And I haven’t taken a breakup this hard since I was nineteen, and I literally lack the skillset necessary for this.

And everyone’s been really nice about this, really nice, which almost makes it worse, because talking about it makes me feel like the world’s biggest jerk because I should just be over it like everyone wants for me. And I’m not and it sucks.

Comments

[emilyla.livejournal.com]

You don't need to be over it yet. You should be whatever you need to be. I'm so sorry, darling.

And like I said, I'm pretty sure you dodged a bullet because V seems SUPER unstable.

Please remember I have Americone Dream in my freezer if you need to get out of the house. <3

[stillscape.livejournal.com]

Agreed on all counts, except I do not have Americone Dream in my freezer. V is obviously an idiot and unworthy of you, and you should let me know if there is anything at all I can do for you from all the way over here and HUGS, additional hugs for diaphenia.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

No, you're not over it, and don't let that throw you too much. It was someone who'd been important to you years ago, so getting involved again was a big deal. It's not someone you you'd never known before. Makes sense to me.

Sometimes these things just take more time than others. Sometimes (not always) it's sort of good practice. Not the heartbreak part; the letting someone in far enough that they can potentially break your heart.

Are you showing signs of being generally depressed? Are you taking care of yourself, sleeping OK (normally), not doing things that are out of character? If you have any concerns that you're really generally down, maybe try an online depression test and see if that indicates if this is a trigger for something a bit bigger or more general. If that turns out OK, then you can have more confidence this is probably more situational breakup stuff. If there's some cause for concern there, get it checked out for the sake of your general health.

This event was really hard for you, for completely understandable reasons. I think you're normally very buoyant, right? If everyone's had an awful day, let's go do karaoke and have fun and all will be better, that sort of thing? And you really value connecting with people to deal with and redirect emotions? (I don't have a great read on you IRL, but that's my impression.) Sometimes a big heartache hits people like you harder. Kind of like how really competitive athletes can be the worst patients when they are seriously injured, because they're used to running around and hate to rest.

Give yourself some time to heal. If you're really bogging down with this, get some help. But, really, being upset at this event doesn't ping anything out of the ordinary for me. It sounds really, really hard, and it sounds like V did many things to make it harder for you.

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

ITA with this. Especially, "Sometimes a big heartache hits people like you harder. "

Because yes.

[popgurlie.livejournal.com]

all of this.

the only thing i'd add is that you should use this as a milestone of something difficult that you got through the next time you're faced with a situation that feels overwhelming. you went in with very reasonable expectations and got hit with a far more emotionally difficult situation -- yes, you felt shaky (UNDERSTANDABLE), but you stayed and that is pretty fucking awesome and brave. you are pretty fucking awesome and brave. i will make you a button to remind you :)

[rikyl.livejournal.com]

That sounds really awkward and hard to get through, but you survived with your dignity, and now it's over, thank god, right? It almost seems like he is trying to rub it in your face talking to your friend like that, and if he is, what a dick. You are totally winning the breakup because you haven't done anything dickish to him.

Try not to be too hard on yourself in the meantime. You cared about him, and this hit you out of the blue, and breakups suck. You were happy before, and you will be happy again, and there's no timeline you have to stick to for that. Just take care of yourself.

[deathmallow.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear that it turned out to be upsetting and awkward for you. I'll agree V does sound like an immature dick, and one who was out to hurt you in this case, and while it hurts right now, I hope in time it'll feel like it was a good thing that you two broke up.

You know I hope for all the best for you. <3

[whimsical-irony.livejournal.com]

Dude. Your ex showed up at the reunion despite multiple assertions that he wasn't going to, and then cornered your friend to boast about his ~*brand new relationship*~. We can debate whether you won the breakup, but the breakup in itself was def a win for you.

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

Elle is a beautiful panda princess and she's totally right.

[princess-george.livejournal.com]

I did not know some of that. Excellent points. Also showing, possibly, that *he* was quite eager to "win the breakup." In a way that I can't imagine his new girlfriend would find super-reassuring.

[ballroom_pink.livejournal.com]

I agree! with this!

[throwingpens.livejournal.com]

Do you want me to slash his tires?

Because I will do it if you need me to.

edit: i'm totes aware this is not the most mature reaction, but i'm 22 and I haven't had a true ex in six years I CAN BE THIS WAY IF I WANT.

[courtknees1.livejournal.com]

I agree with everyone on here. So many wise ladies! I think you won the breakup by not being an asshole. You have so many great friends, you have a new job (which I want to hear about one of these days!), and by the way you are super hot. Like way too hot for that asshat. Seriously, it sounds like he is very insecure about the whole situation, and is taking it out in a mean and childish way. He SUCKS, and you RULE, and I hope you are feeling way better now you've had a little time to recover from the event. Your person is out there, you just keep being awesome (eg. being YOU) and they will find you soon enough. Lots of love.

[missnumbat.livejournal.com]

It sounds like he went out of his way to try to 'win' the break-up and hurt you by bringing along his new (less awesome) girlfriend, which makes him an arsehole in my opinion.

I think you won the break up by not being an awful human being about it, which he clearly was.

It's no one's business how long you take to get over it, but just know we are all cheering for you and wishing you the best.

[angylinni.livejournal.com]

There's no right way to grieve, and that's what you're doing. It takes as long as it takes. Hell, I still have dreams about the guy in college that basically destroyed my life - my brain auto defaults to him when I'm dreaming of being in a relationship with someone and it's been nearly 20 years since we were together.

High school reunions are filled with landmines that you don't realize until you're in them. I loved getting the chance to see everyone again and catch up, but at the same time omg was I glad that I never had to go back and be that person again.

*hugs*

[ballroom_pink.livejournal.com]

I didn't go to my reunion. So right of the bat, you are way more confident than I could ever be. I was a kind of a nerdy social butterfly in high school - I wasn't the queen bee, but I was the one who connected one group to another. I was much braver and then right after high school I had a falling out with the queen bee (and was egged on my by then BFF) to cut ties and, therefore, to the rest of the group. Those who remained were weaned off when I decided to not be the social butterfly and wait for someone to call me for a change, and they didn't take the hint. So my circle from high school went down in flames. Those who I stayed in contact with are from the year ahead of me. I have no desire to see anyone from my class anyway. I've actually run into classmates and they've been shocked I had no idea they were in my class. They were like I was football so and so or head cheerleader so and so, and I'm like were you in my AP English class? No. Then, why would I remember you.