Friends with Kids: some thoughts

[diaphenia]

As the last person to see the movie (besides stillscape) I am sure we're all talked out on it, but let's take a few minutes and get back to it.



Overall, I enjoyed it. I mean, Adam Scott. How are you a person? How do you look so awesome in t-shirts? How could anyone believe your nose is a bad thing? Sigh I don't really think I'm that obsessed with him, really, but he was great. I liked Adam Scott; I liked his character less. Now, they tried their hardest to win me over, from the opening scene's close up o The God Delusio to his impassioned speech that tossed in a 'organized religion is crap.' But he comes across as pretty sleazy when it comes to women.

But probably still better than Julie, who's annoyingly passive for most of the movie. And this is awful, but I had a difficult time with Jennifer Westfeldt, or more specifically, her voice. I'm not sure I've ever seen her in anything else, but I'm disinclined to do so; her voice annoyed me. I don't know if that's her natural voice or a character choice, but I spent most of the movie wanting her to speak louder and deeper. I do covet her hair; it's luscious and beautiful, and I want to touch it. 

If I had one wish, I wanted to see more of the Bridesmaids remixed couples. I feel like those four had some interesting stories and I wanted the cameras to follow them home.

Here's the issue I had with the movie: I don't buy it. 

Caveat: I'm in my mid-20s, and I don't have kids. I don't want kids. I'm pretty happy with my potted palm tree.

The premise of the movie seems to be that having children makes you awful. I could buy that. I mean, to be fair, my friends haven't had kids yet, though there's one on the cusp, so who knows if children make adults awful? But I could believe it. Or at least I could believe Westfeldt, who has no children herself, could buy it, though if I were Adam Scott or Maya Rudolph I might have some things to say on that topic. But it' so weir to me that Jason and Julie could look at their friends turning awful and decide that the problem is being in a relationship with your co-parent.

And then the idea that five months into Joe's life they are making quiches? I call shenanigans. Even if they are parenting part-time, even if they have a nanny, I just don't buy that it's smooth sailing. Again, my friends haven't had a baby yet, but I don't know any parents who make quiches. 

I think they might have drugged that kid. Way too well-behaved, apparently the easiest child in the world. 

The other thing that really confused me was MJ. Let's be clear: I liked her more than Julie, if for no other reason than that she knew what she wanted- at least with her career- and went to get it. But here's the thing- if MJ was so anti-child, why was she dating an older man with a brand new baby? Did she want a lasting relationship with Jason, and if she did, what was her plans in regards to Joe over the long haul? When I say I don't want kids, I mean it. I don't want to parent someone else's child either, which is why I would never date someone with a young child (in a decade or two I can picture myself dating someone with grown children). Why did she keep dating him? Would she have agreed to be a stepparent to a child we never saw her interact with?

On some level I agreed with Jon Hamm's character when he argued that they should have thought this through. Had they not had their necessary rom-com ending, they would have had only a gentlemen's agreement regarding their child. She moves? He apparently can't do anything about it. It's a strange plan, and I don't... is this really something people do? Because they shouldn't.

I sound harsh, here, and I did like it and I'll probably go see it again in theaters, because I'm a childless person with disposable income and I want to see it again. But the premise is so insane I just don't understand how adults with children agreed to film it. 

Comments

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I didn't like the movie, even though I love the people in it.

My thoughts are on the wanky side, so I'm just going to say that Jason and Julie's willingness to put their needs before Joe's bothered me. I had issues with character development and motivations and how the male/female dichotomy was depicted.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Should you feel like sharing more thoughts on it, I'd love to see them and/or be linked to them. I know I saw some interesting looking criticism of the movie before it hit theaters, but I didn't read it, because I wanted to be surprised. Now that I've seen it I'd be curious about the reviews.

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

I posted a rant on my tumblr back when the screener came out, but it's kind of over the top and scattered. I'm going to try to organize my thoughts in a more neutral manner.

Jason and Julie were so determined to raise Joe as separate entities that they didn't communicate. They didn't attempt to discuss their problems; they let them slide. They introduced their kid to their significant others without talking to each other. They kept *jokingly* insulting each other (later on in the film) even though it was clear that the other person was hurt. Tensions were running high and they opted to do nothing.

I had a hard time having sympathy for them because they didn't make a true effort to connect as parents. Julie came to realize she loved Jason over time, but he came to love her when she wasn't around. Jason's turn around struck me as convenient and not rooted in an understanding of how badly they messed up.

With regard to the gender dynamics, it seemed that the women were shrill and unstable while the men were hypersexualized. Women get to publicly embarrass themselves by being honest while men get to make mistakes behind closed doors. I thought the gender dynamics lacked nuance; everything was stereotypical.

I have a feeling that I took this movie *way* seriously. I'm in my mid-twenties and don't have kids, but would like to have one or two someday (provided I meet the right person). Maybe that colored my reaction?

[popgurlie.livejournal.com]

thank you so much for saying this! i've been feeling like i'm the ONLY person who had issues with the film and it was the male/female dichotomy that bothered me the most.

i also put this in rikyl's comments, but i am repeating myself all over the place ;) the pining girl who is "suddenly deemed worthy" is such a sore point trope with me. what bothered me the most was how much it told us over and over that julie wasn't attractive enough for jason, or the "right girl" for him and basically devastated her. then he had a dirty dream about her and it's all good and she takes him back, takes him in without much of a discussion. it just. yeah. put such a bad taste in my mouth that it's been very hard to get over that.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Now, the suddenly deemed worthy girl is just such a trope I didn't even really contemplate how screwed up an idea that is as as a trope. What's up with that, society?

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

The male/female thing really irked me because it was pervasive. It wasn't just insults, it was eating away at every level of the movie.

That trope is so messed up. He rejected her in public and then decides he wants her once he can't have her. And we're supposed to support him because?

[bunnigurl.livejournal.com]

I'm reading these comments trying to see where I fall in with all the reactions. This 'suddenly deemed worth' thing is something I couldn't put my finger on before I read it here, and it's what bothered me the most about the movie, even more than Jason and Julie's selfishness in the face of bringing a child into the world...

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

I find the demographics vs. reactions all over the map, at least of the people on my lj tonight. I need to stop arguing with rikyl that parenting should be depicted as being harder since, you know, she has two kids and I have a plant.

The point that Jason came to love her only in her absence is interesting, and I'm going to have to contemplate it more. As with the rest of your points, because, for instance, I didn't really think about their parenting styles or communication patterns. Hmmm.

[rikyl.livejournal.com]

Ha ha, yes, this is kind of a ridiculous argument. Ironically, I spent all last week arguing with my 5-year-old and went out to see this movie in the frame of mind of desperately needing to escape my own children. But I was actually kind of relieved that the movie didn't portray parenting is this totally awful, soul-sucking thing.

I don't remember them talking a lot about parenting details, but I had a general sense that they were on the same page on things, that they shared values, and agreed on things like religion. There were miscommunications and probably things that came up that they didn't anticipate, but I didn't see that as a huge problem for them. It seemed like they were coparenting a lot. But, I think the movie didn't really spend much time on that section, so it's hard to tell. A lot was glossed over.

[saucydiva.livejournal.com]

Not to prolong the argument, but I was writing a response to Kate and it occurred to me that, wait, why do I think parenting is hard? and then I realized that the reason I thought they couldn't make quiches is because the parents in the movie thought that. So I'm not so much arguing my experience- which is a younger sibling, and not much more- as the reactions of the parents in the movie. So, there we go. I'm not arguing from my perspective, but from Ben/Leslie/Andy/Missy's.

I mean, rock those quiches, parents. Or don't! Not rocking them is e

[rikyl.livejournal.com]

Ben and Missy think making quiches is hard because making quiches requires numerous hostile marital spats about, let's see ... who was supposed to remember to pick up eggs ... the fact that one of them has to feed the baby because the other one is busy making the #$#%$ %$^% quiches ... whose idea was it to have people over anyway? ... go pick up the baby because the baby is crying you heartless bastard ... whose idea was it to have the baby anyway? ... etc

Leslie and Alex think it's hard to make quiches because he spends so much time in the bathroom.

Mystery solved.

[lizinstereo.livejournal.com]

My plant just grew a new flower. I feel like a proud parent (not really).

There were glances and other things that indicated Jason was coming to terms with his real feelings for Julie. It just did not work for me. I would have liked it better if he came to his epiphany in a different manner.